An introvert living in an extrovert world

Sarah Ford
Staff Writer

From the moment I started kindergarten, I sensed a difference between myself and many of my peers. As I went through elementary and middle school, I found myself preferring to work on my own and not speaking up in group discussions unless I absolutely had to. School took so much of my energy that when I got home each day, I was so tired that I would plop down on the couch and zone out.

When I got to middle school, my friends were always saying, “Loosen up,” or, “You’re such a party-pooper.” They all assumed that if I just did what they were doing I wouldn't be so apprehensive. I felt like there was something wrong with me for not being more outgoing, so I started trying to change myself. In reality, there wasn't anything inherently wrong with me; my brain was just wired differently. I didn't need to change myself; I just needed to learn about what made me different.

Around the beginning of my sophomore year, my mom brought home a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. This book was the catalyst that made me learn more about introversion, extroversion, and what makes each one unique.

Introverts make up one-third to one-half of the people on the planet. That means one in every two or three people is an introvert. Chances are you have a friend, co-worker, or family member who is an introvert.

Based on the things I have read and what I have learned from personal experiences, my definition of an introvert is: someone who recharges through alone time, thrives in one-on-one or small-group conversations, would rather have just a few very good friends, and enjoys spending time “in their head.” Extroverts are basically the exact opposite.

Don’t get me wrong, I love extroverts. Some of my absolute favorite people are extroverts. However, I think extroverts have it a little easier than introverts in our hyper-connected, hyper-competitive, hyper-stimulating world.

It starts in school. Our desks are clustered together and we do more group work than any generation before us. Every time we turn around, we’re getting up in front of the class to present something, and as a whole we are moving from lectures, where the teacher talks and may ask a few questions, to seminars, where the students discuss their opinions and are responsible for the bulk of the content. Every bit of this is ideal for extroverts, but is a nightmare for introverts. According to Quiet, some teachers have even described the ideal student as an extrovert, despite the fact that, statistically, introverts get better grades.

I feel that it is important for teachers to find a balance between high and low stimulation assignments and activities. This balance would help introverts to get more comfortable working with others and help extroverts to be more comfortable working alone. Also, having this type of balance would help teachers to see where each student thrives and better understand the personalities of their students.

Adults encourage children to be outgoing starting when they are very young and those who would rather read than play on the playground are seen by their peers as anti-social. This trend continues through middle school, high school, and even college, with students who are loud and crazy being the ones that the whole school knows. Then students graduate and are forced to go out into the real world. Unfortunately for introverts, the people who assert themselves and make their ideas and opinions heard are the ones who get noticed by their superiors, even though their less assertive peers may have better ideas or input. For example, a quiet introvert would typically have a much harder time keeping up as a Wall Street lawyer than an outgoing and assertive extrovert.

Introverts are leaders at their cores, and can make more effective leaders than extroverts because they are more likely to allow those they are leading to run with their ideas, rather than mold everyone else’s ideas to their own.

Introverts can make just as big of an impact on the world as extroverts. People like Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Audrey Hepburn, J.K. Rowling, Rosa Parks, and Gandhi are all wildly successful introverts who have impacted our world. They were able to use their introversion to make a difference. I can only hope to use my introversion half as productively as they have.

It is important for both introverts and extroverts to put themselves into an environment where they can thrive. Everyone needs to find the place where they can use their talents to make a difference. You probably read a lot of the names listed above and were a little shocked. Many of these people voluntarily put themselves into the spotlight, something many introverts wouldn’t even think of doing. But that’s the thing about introverts: when they are truly passionate about something, they will go against their introverted tendencies and act extroverted.

It is also incredibly important that we all work very hard to understand ourselves and each other. The better we understand people, the more effectively we can care for them. The needs of introverts and extroverts are polar opposites.

INTROVERTS	EXTROVERTS
Respect their need for privacy.	Respect their independence.
Never embarrass them in public.	Compliment them in public.
Reprimand and teach new skills in private.	Accept and encourage their enthusiasm.
Give them time to think before answering.	Allow them to explore and talk things out.
Don’t interrupt them.	Thoughtfully surprise them.
Allow them to find just one best friend.	Understand when they are busy.
Warn them before a big change happens in their life.	Make physical and verbal gestures of affection.
Don’t force them to make a lot of friends.	Offer them options.
Allow them to observe new situations first.	Allow them to dive right in.
Respect their introversion!	Let them shine!

I have some advice specifically for introverts. Just because you are more reserved doesn’t mean you have less to offer this world. Be willing to go outside for your comfort zone for the people you care about, and don’t be afraid to ask them to do the same. Most importantly, own your introversion. It is not a bad thing, and you can use it to do great things.

Well-known Author Susan Cain put together a manifesto for introverts to help them navigate our extrovert-favoring world.

*Permission to republish granted by Susan Cain